“As we take the time to discover the beauty within ourselves, we begin to discover the beauty that surrounds us.”
While this quote, which I found on the inspirational quote of the day calendar I got in high school from my mom, is so incredibly schmaltzy, it really does seem to sum up what I’ve been feeling lately. Sure I’ve had my moments of weakness, especially lately, but my response and reaction when I am in those moments has been something I’ve never experienced before.
Instead of saying, “screw it” and binging myself into a more than uncomfortable state, or curling up with the TV for the night, I’ve found myself shrugging it off. Channeling Jay-Z and brushing that dirt off my shoulders 🙂 For example, I’m sitting here in complete agonizing pain right now, a tightly wound ball of emotion, wanting so badly to gorge myself on chocolate cupcakes and giant chunks of crusty white bread (all because of my womanhood, thanks). Normally I would give up, eat whatever I want, and be a complete super-bitch for the rest of the day. Instead, I’m planning my workout for the evening while sipping on some iced coffee and smiling. That’s right, I’m smiling. That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me.
I no longer see the need or have the knee-jerk reaction to respond to life’s circumstances with negativity or sarcasm. I catch myself at random times of the day just smiling. For no good reason. And when I notice it happening, I call myself out on it. “Hey, lady. You’re smiling right now. Good for you.” Sure, it’s silly. But positive affirmation goes a long way in any situation.
The point of all this is now that I’m taking care of myself, now that I’m discovering and finding confidence in the beauty of me, I’m finding it easier to respond positively to life. I’m seeing the true beauty in everything that surrounds me, in all of my life’s circumstances.
Changes like this feed my belief that this journey I’m on is a permanent one. This is not a diet, a fad, or some sort of resolution that will play it self out in a couple of months. This is forever. No longer do I look behind me at the pain or regret. I’m finally living my present and creating my future. Sure there will continue to be ups and downs, and it may take longer than I’d like, but I know I’m learning the tools to embrace the moment I’m living, claiming this beautiful life as my own.
These days, it feels as if I’m truly and finally making my life. And I couldn’t be more thrilled!