No Sex in the City

So this is something that’s been running through my mind forever and I just haven’t been sure how to address it. I do pride myself on being brutally and  embarrassingly honest with you all on here, so I’m just going to say it:

Why does everyone have a significant other but me?

Now, hear me out. This is not some whiny, girl magazine bitching about why I can’t get a man. This is simply an observation. And a question that’s been driving me seriously crazy for years. YEARS.

When you’re on a mission like this, you obviously look for others you can identify with, relate to, and learn from. Seriously, in every single blog I read about other women losing weight, they tout their significant other as their “biggest supporter,” and their “main motivator,”  someone who loves them just the way they are.

And then I scream. And die a little.

Embarrassing and horribly judgmental, my inner monologue tends to go a little something like this:

How did she find someone? Why haven’t I? I’m prettier/smaller/dress better than her, right? Why am I jealous of that bigger women walking down the street arm in arm with her boo? Why do I only get creepers and downright scary men hitting on me, wanting a booty call? Why am I so alone? Is it my personality? My complete lack of confidence and self-esteem? Are my standards too high? What’s wrong with me?

Annoying, right? Try living with that in your head day in and day out. Ugh.

The thing is, though, I’m not unhappy being single. I’ve really grown to like being by myself, on my own schedule–which is, I think part of the larger problem of my weight and my life. I pride myself on being mostly independent, taking care of myself, doing things that a lot of other girls need a partner to do.

I won’t lie, it gets lonely. Do I want someone to come home to every night? Sure, that’d be great. Do I want someone to do the everyday, mundane stuff with me–running errands, grocery shopping, going to the movies, working out? Absolutely. Do I want someone to pay my bills and let me stay at home with our babies while he rushes off to make the big money? Ah…well, yes. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

It’s important to note, mind you, that as lonely or desperate as I may get sometimes, I’m not actively looking for this person. I’m not yet confident enough in who I am and who I am becoming. What I do want, though, is for them to just magically fall into my lap, love me for me, and all that crap. That’s the dream 🙂

But what I don’t understand, and my point in all this, is how did everyone else get so lucky?

If you’ve ever felt like this, welcome. Let me give you a hug and the single girls’ secret handshake. And then let’s look at a few things I think we can learn from all this self-defeating jealousy and negativity…

1. Stop comparing yourself. Yes, seek out other individuals on the same path as you, but don’t compare your life, your circumstances, your failures, and your successes to their’s. You are your own person, on your own journey, with your own timeline. What’s meant to be will be and it will happen when it happens. Endlessly frustrating and absolutely true.

2. Confidence. You’ve gotta have it. Guys love confidence in a girl. This I know (or at least, it’s what everyone says over and over).

We can do this. We can become the girls we’ve always wanted to be, that we were meant to be. Our lives will work out the way they are meant to. Put the blinders on, keep moving forward…and watch out for falling men 🙂

4 thoughts on “No Sex in the City

  1. I felt entirely like this for a long time….I got married young to a control freak who beat down my self esteem every single day for 9 years. Always been in relationships with losers and men who felt the need to put me down to make themselves feel better. I was single for about 8 years, had MANY first dates but not many 2nd dates, then I met someone and fell in love with him, even though he wasn’t bringing anything to the table, long story short, I found out he was secretly GAY. Yes I said GAY, well I guess bisexual since he obviously dated women too. Anyway, I was just DONE. I mean utterly and completely DONE with dating, I was just going to be single the rest of my life. At least that way I didn’t have to worry about getting hurt or lied to. So I worked on me, did my thing and out of the blue, God put my soulmate in my path and in 2 weeks we will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary. The moral of my story is I am 44 years old and had to kiss a LOT of frogs to get the man God had in store for me but never lose hope and just know that everything is a bigger plan that you may not see right now, but one day you will. Embrace yourself and each experience that you go through, and learn from it. So one day you can look back and say…”oh now I understand”

    Best of luck to you!!

    • Thanks for your comment, Myra! You know, I never really believed in that whole “God has a plan” or “what’s meant to be, will be” thing, but since I’ve started this journey, I’m really starting to come around to it.

      It’s been my plan all along to just work on me, take care of me, finally make myself a priority, and then like you, hopefully, the rest of my life will come together as it’s meant to. Congrats to you on your success and for your words of support!

  2. I’ve had this inner monologue myself, probably for a lot longer, since I’m a lot older than you are. Then I shared the thoughts with a therapist, who said something along the lines of, “Don’t you think you should prepare yourself for the possibility that you will always be alone? That you may actually never meet that special someone?” For whatever reason, God, the universe, [insert preferred divinity] has not seen fit to put another person in my path. Yet. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t. I am still trying to work on feeling complete when I look in the mirror.

    • Yikes, I don’t think I’m ready to accept that idea yet. That creeps into my head every so often and I quickly push it out. But whether or not I end up with a partner for this life, I know I’m not truly alone, because I have an amazing family and friends who love me for me–and I have all of you guys, too! 🙂 And as long as I can finally make peace with myself when I look in the mirror, etc, I know I’ll be just fine–and so will you! Thanks for reading!

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