Lookin’ Good In The Pink Pants

I’ve held off on writing this post for over a week now, just because I’m not sure exactly how to say what I want and need to say.

So bear with me. As usual 🙂

Last weekend was oodles of fun. My friend Stephanie and I headed over to 612Brew to join my aunt and uncle for a brewery tour and beer tasting. They were also filming Food Network’s Great Food Truck Race–pretty cool! It was a gorgeous  day, which around these parts lately means it wasn’t raining. So we sat outside on the patio sampling the different beers (for you locals, the ginger beer is delish), sampling the underwhelming food, and laughing our butts off for most of the day. Good times.

I should also mention that I finally fit into a pair of colored jeans–a material that is usually quite unforgiving for those of us with dimpley cellulite. And while I regret the top I chose to wear with those pants, I love those pants. And they looked good on me. It’s nice to feel confident in yourself once in awhile! Shocking!20130608_12532120130608_122308The pants confidence fed into me making good choices the rest of the day: I didn’t drink all of my beer–they gave us a flight of four plus a pint! I had most of the pint and sipped a bit on the rest. I also didn’t make poor food choices. I had a few bites of this and that, but I mostly stuck to my trusty bottle of water.

I was feeling pretty good about my day and choices. And then it happened.

My friend and I left the brewery and went to do a little shopping before going to see a movie. Unrelated, but this happened:

As we were walking back to our car, there were two boys (definitely not men) sitting on the corner, drumming on some plastic buckets for money. Whatever. Do your thing, I guess.

And then, in reference to me as I passed, the a-holes say, “Looking good in those pink pants!”

Excuse me? Are we in junior high? 

A comment like this from boys like that would normally have destroyed me, as pathetic as it sounds. I would have cried, questioned who and what I am, what I’m doing, and on and on and on. It would have set me back days, if not weeks.

But new Manda Kay didn’t crumble. I flinched, yes. I was upset for a few minutes, but then I got angry.

Who did they think they are? Where do people get off making comments like this? I don’t know if it was meant to be complimentary (probably not) or a rude comment on me (probably), but regardless: shut up!

You don’t know me, you don’t know my life. You don’t know the steps I’m taking to actually look good in those pink pants. You don’t know the hard work I’ve put in to actually have the confidence and body to fit into and rock those damn pants. 

I didn’t judge you, sitting on the corner, drumming on plastic buckets, hoping to score a quarter from a wealthy passerby. Everyone has issues, everyone has their something in life. Do you, be you. And let me be me.

Like I said, I got angry. So I called the cops–something I’ve never done. But I reported those dummies for public nuisance. I don’t know that they figured out it was me, I doubt it changed anything, but it gave me my power back.

I won’t allow anyone to tell me how, when, or where I can live. I decide how I feel, I decide my life. You have the same rights to yours and your metaphorical plastic bucket drums.

After I called the po-po, we went to the movie. I enjoyed it. I didn’t dwell on the comment or them. I got up the next morning and knocked out a great workout. And then I made good food choices, worked out all this week, felt great about myself, and lost two pounds.

So, suck it Drummer Boy. I look damn good in those pink pants. In any “pants”, for that matter. Any day, every day.

This Year > Last Year

It’s amazing the difference twelve short months can make. Just 365 little days…

Last May, I was about 40 pounds heavier and a bunch of inches thicker. I was four pant sizes and two-three (depending on the store) shirt sizes bigger. I couldn’t dream of shopping in “normal” stores, save for the maternity section or the occasional tunic or dress that I fashioned into a form-fitting shirt (Yes, really. I did both).

Last May I was uncomfortable wearing t-shirts and wouldn’t dream of wearing tank tops. No one wants to see all that flab flapping around. When I did finally start to wear tank tops, it was the biggest deal. I remember calling my mom as I stood at the big box hardware store wearing a sleeveless dress. I was nearly in tears I was so proud…and so terrifyingly self-conscious.

Last May I didn’t leave the house without my hair and make up done, my outfit acceptably perfect. Why give the world another reason to judge me? I may be The Fat Girl but I would never dream of being The Ugly Fat Girl.

Last May I struggled to run for 30 seconds. I stuck mostly to the elliptical at the gym, because I was afraid of how unattractive and out of shape I’d look trying something new. I didn’t make eye contact and I stayed in the back row of my darkened spin class—the only group class I would attempt.

But now?

This May, I’m still stuck in a seemingly never-ending weight loss plateau, but I’ve lost over 60 pounds in about a year, I’ve tightened and toned my body to the point where I sometimes like what I see in the mirror. I haven’t given up. I regularly shop at normal stores in mostly normal sizes. Sometimes, I even need to grab a smaller size.

This May, I cry in dressing rooms because I can’t believe I fit in the size 14 shirt not because I have to grab the 3X.

This May, I’ve run a 5K race, with a goal of doing five more this year (three are on the calendar!). I’ve gotten my heavy body up on a paddleboard…while wearing a swimsuit. I’ve taken (and love!) a boot camp and a weights class—where I’m constantly uncomfortable and pushed to my physical and self-esteem limits.

This May, I rarely wear makeup when I’m not at work or going out socially. I’ve stopped caring what I look like in the best possible way: I still want to look cute, obviously, but I no longer spend an hour getting ready to go to Target on a Saturday afternoon.

This May, I wear t-shirts. And tank tops. And dresses that show off (most) of my legs.

This May, I explore the world around me. I try new things. I put myself out there socially (something, I admit, I’m just starting to feel out). I’m less afraid of others, less afraid of myself.
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This May, I’ve mostly made peace with myself. As is, right now. Fat and all. The scale doesn’t define me, your opinion of me, and what fat girls should and should not do, doesn’t define me. I define me. And I like me. I’m proud of me.

This May, I can’t wait to see who I am next May.

Love, Love, Love

I’m feeling very summery these days…which is a good thing, I guess, since it’s, you know, summer and what not 🙂 Here are five things that are making me feel the early summer love these days.

1. The Lumineers “Ho Hey”

There’s nothing better than this song and this band right now. Get in your car, crank this song, open the windows wide and tell me you don’t start singing along, tapping your toes, and dancing a little bit in your seat.

2. Essie’s Bachelorette Bash

I’ve turned into a nail polish junkie, and this bright fuschia color is my new go-to.

3. Old Navy Yoga Capris

I’m not the biggest fan of Old Navy. They’ve gotten more expensive recently and the quality of the clothes is really pretty poor. But they do make the only workout pants I’ve found for someone my size that don’t ride up, are super comfy, and just fit really, really well. I wear them every day to workout, and since all of my other pants are in varying stages of being too big, I wear them pretty much everywhere else, too. They make good faux leggings 🙂 I’m sure there better out there, but for my budget and my size, these definitely take the cake!

4. MTV’s Awkward

I know, I know. I’m so outside the target demo for this amazingly awesome tv show, but I love it. Like, really love it. I may have the entire first season saved to my dvr, and I may have been watching it alot recently. Especially since season 2 is coming out later this month. It’s surprisingly and smartly funny and, of course, there’s a hot guy in it. Matty McKibben anyone? He’s my new Pacey 🙂

5. MAC Lipglass

Lipgloss has always felt totally summery to me. Is that weird? I don’t know. An oldie but a goody, MAC’s class, sticky, super thick gloss is my favorite. And it lasts forever! They make colored versions, but I prefer the classic clear coat. I can’t get enough!

Ok, spill it. What is making you feel the summer love right now?

Pink is My Favorite Color

Remember this song? Well, it’s true. Pink truly is my favorite color, it’s my obsession, it’s not even a question, etc. In the last 24 hours, I have purchased/indulged in an insane amount of this bright, summery, cheery color.

It started innocently enough:

Then I finally found a new travel mug, for which I’ve been searching for weeks:

Late last night, again after much searching, I found my new running shoes!–my treat for reaching my 5% weight loss goal! Side note, you wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to find cute women’s shoes in a size 12. But, yay for my favorite athletic catalog, Eastbay:

Finally, after much research, I also found my dream water bottle (glass interior, silicone sleeve, Life Factory):
It’s my belief that surrounding yourself with aesthetically pleasing things, things that inspire you or lift you up or just bring a smile to your face, make you aspire to be better in all aspects of life–and hopefully, in the case of my new kicks, make you want to use them. Often. That’s my consumerism-driven philosophy, anyway 🙂  Pink does all of that for me. It just makes me happy, man. And this time of year in Minnesota, you need all the cheeriness you can find!

What’s your favorite color?