The Struggle Is Real

We rise, we fall. And, hopefully, we’re strong enough to rise again. Over and over. This is life.

After 30-some successful days–really, my most successful healthy days ever–I now find myself fallen. Again. The struggle is very real, my friends.

The tip of the iceberg, this small piece of chocolate unleashed a torrent of self-doubt, self-hatred…all the usual suspects. And this time, loneliness. I absolutely do not say this to welcome pity, but lately I’ve been feeling very alone. Very stuck in this life that is all-consumed by rigid schedule: what you eat and when, how you workout and when, sleep, work. I’m tired of it, I’m frustrated by it, I want the life others seem to have so effortlessly.
And then, today, for whatever reason, it all seemed to click. A blogger whose journey to a healthy, balanced life I’ve been following for awhile now posted the following:

…I also know that for the rest of my life, healthiness will need to be a priority…Other people have to focus on their recovery every day for the rest of their life, whether it be drugs or alcohol. Other people have to focus the rest of their life on managing their diabetes or heart disease. For me, every day, I need to focus on my healthy.

My focus is not allowed to slip. When it slips, weeks like this happen. And then weeks turn into months, into years, into an entire lifetime. While I need to work on ways to incorporate balance into my focus, it cannot waver. I cannot relax or indulge. My focus must remain…focused.

To that end, I took a big step this afternoon: I asked for help.

The rise and the fall will always be part of my life. Every day I have to make the conscious choice to focus on the rise, face my addiction, choose healthfully. And though I’ve been afraid to admit it, I know deep down all of that will be more manageable if I have help. If I have the tools to be successful and the support to encourage.  

So, for now I will heed the advice of a friend to acknowledge the past few days for what they are and then let them go. I will get a good night’s sleep, and try to make better decisions, to be stronger, tomorrow. Fall, then rise.

Always rise.